Tired of trying to explain to your friends and family why you’re childfree? Wish you could just sit them down and give them a list that spells it all out? Send them this list of 7 Things Childfree People Wish You Knew.
1. We don’t hate your kids.
Okay, some childfree people definitely hate kids. But a lot of us bear no ill will to the youth of our species. For many, the decision to be childfree is based on numerous factors, not just whether or not we like kids. So please, don’t assume that we’ll be cold or unkind to your young ‘uns. If you aren’t sure if your childfree friend will want to spend time around your child, just ask!
2. We’ve thought long and hard about our decision.
We often put more thought into our decision to be childfree than parents put into their choice to have kids. To make the conscious decision to abstain from having children in a world that assumes all women will, and often vilifies those who don’t, takes effort. That’s why the trite, “Oh, you’ll change your mind” is demeaning to most childfree people; it implies we’re flippant about our choice, and for the majority of us, we’re definitely not.
3. We’re making a responsible choice.
You may call us shallow and selfish if you must, but you can’t accuse us of being irresponsible. Someone who knows they won’t be a good parent and takes precautions against having children is far more responsible than someone who decides to “see what happens.” When it comes to having kids, the most irresponsible thing anyone can do is fail to sit down and make a conscious choice beforehand.
4. We contribute to society.
Gone are the days when a middle- to upper-class woman had no way of supporting herself, and could only contribute to her husband’s wealth by producing children. And yet, in lesser, more subtle ways, this sentiment remains. Our culture has replaced the overt statement (“women who don’t have children are useless”) with a belief that, although women can earn their own income and contribute to society directly, nothing she does will contribute as much as procreating.
5. We aren’t lazy or ‘too selfish.’
It seems that if women aren’t entirely absorbed with child-rearing, they must be vain, lazy, and narcissistic. In fact, we’re no more selfish than parents, some of whom have kids for incredibly selfish reasons. The choice to be childfree, like the choice to have children, can be made for selfish or selfless reasons. It all depends on the person and their motivations. Having said that, if a woman thinks she is selfish and decides not to have kids for that reason – kudos to her. Better to be a self-absorbed person without kids, wouldn’t you agree?
6. We don’t look down on you for having kids.
Again, there are some childfree people who do take on a holier-than-thou attitude when it comes to having kids (a tone childfree people receive all too often from some parents). But the choice to have children is deeply personal. If you’ve made a conscious choice to have kids, good for you. That was your choice, and many of us will respect that. And if you didn’t, if you –like millions of others– grew up believing it’s what you were supposed to do and did so without ever questioning it… still good for you. If you realized too late that being a parent wasn’t something you wanted, but you’ve done your best to raise your kids in spite of it, that’s a responsible choice too.
7. We do know what love is.
Of course the love a parent feels for their child is going to be different from the love someone feels for their partner, their parents, their dog, etc. But to say that we don’t really understand love because we’ve never had a child says a lot about a person’s idea of real love.
If a person lacks the empathy and emotional intelligence to experience genuine love before having a child, I can’t see how they would develop that afterward. The only thing having a child will do for someone who has never really loved something/someone beforehand is foster a Stockholm-like bond necessary for survival. I personally wouldn’t call that real love.
Bonus Thing Childfree People Wish You Knew – We don’t want to be pitied.
Being unintentionally childless is one thing. Being intentionally childfree is quite another. We’re happy with our choice and definitely don’t want to be treated with quiet pity by parents. If you wouldn’t like us to treat you with sorrowful, knowing sighs because you just don’t know what you’re missing out on, please don’t do that to us.
Parents – Did you learn anything from this list? What was it?
Childfree people – Is there anything else you’d add to this list?
Let me know in the comments below!
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