The word “spinster” has had a number of different meanings over its long history. Lately, with the rise of solo living and the childfree alternative, it seems to be being redefined once again. What does it mean to be a modern spinster?
What Does “Spinster” Mean?
Traditionally, a spinster is a never-married woman without biological children. The word itself originated as a professional title. Spinster: a person who spins fibers into yarn or thread. As spinning was one of the few respectable professions available to unmarried women, it eventually became synonymous with “unmarried woman.”
Of course, respectable unmarried women of the past couldn’t have sex openly, and were therefore typically childless. However both literary and real-life spinsters were known to sometimes adopt.
Does the Modern Spinster Exist?
Though something of an archaic term now, “spinster” still carries some negative connotations. Rather than “spinster” describing an independent woman who earns her own living and contributes to the economy directly, the word was used to refer to a woman who had ‘failed.’ That is, failed to do the two things her society told her to do: marry and have children.
And while we certainly still see the remnants of this belief system in our modern world, we’ve also made great strides toward incorporating spinsterhood into the culture in a positive way. More and more books about the solo and childfree lifestyles are being published each decade, and even those who are morally opposed to these lifestyles are at least beginning to listen.
Spinsterhood and Feminism
We can’t talk about modern spinsterhood without also talking about feminism. Feminism is, of course, a belief in the innate equity between men and women. This means that women should not be held to a different set of rules, standards, and social statuses than men simply because of their gender or biological sex.
So basically, the 19th century’s definition of a spinster is completely antithetical to the feminist viewpoint. Why’s that?
- There is no corresponding term with similar connotations to the term “spinster” that exists for men.
- Neither is there a corresponding social status for men. A bachelor doesn’t exist in separate social striation from married men. Yet spinsters are a class all their own.
- Until the late 19th century in England, women had to remain spinsters in order to own property. Men could own property regardless of marital status. (In America, though laws vary from state to state, married women1 achieved land-owning rights a few decades before spinsters2.)
To sum up: What men were able to contribute to society was often independent of their marital status. What women were able to contribute to society was entirely dependent on their marital status.
So What Makes a Modern Spinster?
Okay, we know what an old-timey spinster was, and we know that that doesn’t square with our contemporary ideals of equality. So what is a modern spinster?
The modern spinster, if she is any type of feminist at all, believes that her worth as an individual is not tied to whether or not she has acquired a long-term mate. Her status as “unmarried” (or “unmarried and childfree”) is unrelated to her role in society. And while she may (or may not) wish to marry at some point in her life, she doesn’t see her solo status as a fault or lack.
None of us are going to be perfectly happy with every part of our lives at all times. (I mean, if you’re fully enlightened maybe. But the rest of us will not.) There are going to be days when we solo women feel lonely; when we childfree wonder if we really are missing out. But ideally the modern spinster doesn’t live her life under the shadow of social restraints resulting from her marital status. She is herself, first and foremost; her relationship to others is secondary. She is, overall, happily single and childfree.
Do you see yourself as a modern spinster? What has your experience as a happily single and childfree woman been like? Let me know in the comments below.
All images are provided by Kaboompics.
I am 36 and have never been in a relationship. I see myself as a modern spinster. I have Aspergers. My dog has helped me to learn to not be afraid to drive to other towns- go on adventures. I adopted him 10 yrs ago. My favorite thing to do now is travel Oregon. I enjoy the trips just my dog and I. There is less having to compromise things when I go on trips just me and my dog verses going with others. My dog also taught me that it’s ok to eat in restaurants alone. I don’t have anxiety about it anymore. When I first adopted him we would sit outside at bakeries together. That is how he helped me. I try to be positive about being single. I never wanted children. I am not cut out for that, mentally and physically. I’ve learned to enjoy doing more things alone like shopping. That is something that I always thought would be fun to do with others but it is so extremely rare that I get to do that with friends. But I’ve learned to like shopping alone and have my dog in my car and I take him out between stores. Shopping with other people can take a lot longer. I’ve just really grown in being able to enjoy doing things alone. I really appreciate your American Spinster page. You putting positive info and tips out there for spinsters, and giving the word spinster a good name. I wish there was more positive stuff on the internet about being single. I seek it out. And it is not the easiest to find. I just try to keep a positive mindset. So I look for positive things on spinsterhood. Thank you Lilli for making this site.
Thank you for sharing your experience! There are so many advantages to the solo life that we just aren’t taught to think about.